When I was young, ever since middle school, I was never really happy. I battled with depression until I was about 21. Some of these depressive episodes got really bad and had me on the edge of suicide. Very few people know this about me. Writing this is a moment of vulnerability and truth.
I am about to turn 24, and a lot has changed. Before, I used to constantly compare myself to others. I would look at what others are doing and wonder why I couldn’t do that or why I didn’t want to do that. A lot of the things people liked doing I didn’t like to do, so I thought there was something wrong with me. I took everything that happened in my life very seriously: breakups, bad grades, criticism. All of this weighed on me. Most of my life was spent doing things I don’t like for people I don’t like.
I always think about what the older me would tell my younger self. What advice would he give me? If I could look at 12, 15, 17, 19, or 21 year old John, what would I tell him about the changes he will make? What list of principles could I give him that would change his life instantly?
I wrote this list of basic principles that keep me happy. I believe my happiness is not a daily, ever-changing aspect of my life. It is the bedrock, the foundation on which everything else occurs. In order to be happy I realized I had to appreciate certain aspects of my life and reject others. Maybe these principles can help someone else.
Here is why I am a happy person:
I am fit. I exercise efficiently, effectively, and love the process of training.
I eat very well, but don't torture myself through a hyper-strict diet.
I am an optimist. I believe there is good in every outcome. I continue to train my brain to see the positive in any situation.
I act on conflict swiftly. I do not like conflict and long-term stress. I either solve the problem if it is important or let it dissolve if it is not.
I do not accept anyone else's idea of how I should live my life. I don't take suggestions if I've already decided that that suggestion has been proven wrong for me.
I don't experience any fear of missing out. A lot of people tell me “Make sure to enjoy yourself.” If someone can't tell that I'm enjoying myself, that's their problem, not mine.
I do what I want, when I want. If I don't want to work on something, I realize it probably won't serve me well long-term.
I don't plan often. I have an idea of what I would like to do, then I do it if I still want to.
Other people's perception of me matters very little. It only matters when I want them to see my vision and I think they can help me achieve the goal that my vision calls for.
I keep a tight circle. I don't dedicate my time to people who don't elevate my state of being.
I sleep well. I don't go to bed with stress. I get the amount of sleep I need. I don't consume caffeine because I don't need to.
I have chosen a career that aligns with my strengths and my passions. What looks like work to others feels like play to me.
I stay busy, but not overwhelmed. I don't like to be bored, but I don't like constant pressure. So, I operate in between those two.
I avoid big groups. I don't like them. If I liked them, I would try to have big groups around me more often.
I am completely content with how I operate socially. I don't succumb to any norms.
I meditate daily. I am aware of my thoughts. They come and go and I am usually indifferent. This process helps me achieve peace from mind.
Finding the positive in situations allows me to almost never be consumed by negative thoughts. Negative thoughts linger, positive thoughts dissolve quickly.
I am constantly iterating. I don't believe that who I am or what I am doing is ever fully right. There's always a better way.
I progress often. This keeps me proud. I like being proud. Also, this progress is measured by myself, and nobody else.
I take compliments very seriously and criticisms less seriously.
I view criticism as a window into potential progress, as long as I agree with the criticism. If I don't, I forget about it.
I don't believe in an afterlife. My life is short and precious. It is not to be wasted being unhappy.
I realize how few things truly matter. Life is short and then we die. I want to enjoy the ride while I can!
I am extremely grateful for what I have. Life could be a lot worse. I got lucky.
I tell people how happy I am. When someone asks me how I am doing, I respond “Great,” “Amazing,” “Phenomenal,” etc. The social proof binds me to the idea that I am happy.
Why are you happy?